Missing Grace

Grand Pre National Historic Site, Nova Scotia

Missing Grace

The behaviour upsets you,

the person exercises power over you,

intentionally makes your life miserable.

You have tagged the behaviour.


You have labeled it a disability.

The person doesn’t recognize their handicap.

You have blamed, you have denigrated.

The delusion of amateur assessment.


You have resisted all entreaties.

The person has asked for understanding.

You remain resolved in your actions,

the delusion of uninformed actions.


The behaviours we so vehemently criticize,

in our self-delusion we inadvertently imitate.

The character flaws we perceive in others,

so cruelly blinds us to our flaws


Oh the cruelty of genetic templates,

blending the nature and nurture of our formed selves.

The change we want is within our reach,

the change we need is beyond our ability to see.


You have devised a rigid plan,

of setting an arbitrary boundary,

one troubled behaviour replacing another.

Entering the path of self delusion.


When grace is most needed it eludes us.

How do we find grace? Where to find grace?

Moving from criticizing a person’s behaviour,

to examining and opening our own heart.


Author: Jasper Hoogendam

After 36 years as an educator my career ended due to a TBI. Renewable energy as part of 'walking lightly on this earth' has been and continues to be my interest since my teen years. Since early 2015 I have been learning to live with ABI (Acquire Brain Injury). I don't want to let my ABI limit the goals I set for myself. I'm living with a different brain, not a lesser brain. In sharing my day to day successes and struggles, I am better able to understand how my life had changed and begin to accept the change. In sharing my experiences I'm hearing from caregivers and fellow ABI's. I'm encouraged when my experiences are helping others understand some of the complexity of living with ABI.

4 thoughts on “Missing Grace”

  1. You have labeled it a disability.

    The person doesn’t recognize their handicap.

    Now this got me to thinking. Let us imagine that the person really is hurtful, spiteful, argumentative and even evil. Is it refined thinking to characterize this deplorable behavior as a disability rather than calling them a bad person ?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good question. If we define disability in a socially constructed, legal sense as a condition (physical or mental) that limits a person’s movements, senses, or activities, then we might have a more difficult time accepting someone who is intentionally hurtful to others as disabled. However, if we broaden the definition (or define two different types of disability) and include another disability as the sociopath, then we can see this disability as harmful – but not evil.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. What others, as demonstrated by their actions, are blind to is based in turn on my interpretation of what I might not perceive clearly. Reading the Bible makes some people harder to reach when they know the Bible but don’t understand the message of the gospel, a message of grace. No clear answer.

        Liked by 1 person

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