Escape Plan

20170610_132913(1)
Ready to roll – new drive train, accessories attached

In my recent session with my OT we spent over an hour developing an escape plan. While I have looked at many aspects in preparing for a successful Sea to Sea trek across Canada, I had not thought about developing an escape plan. Why? Well I was thinking in terms of success, not planning for failure.

I know from experience, that with my ABI, effective problem solving is a real challenge. Effective problem solving when I most need it, when I am in a situation in which I am dealing with severe sensory overload, will most certainly fail me. In failing me, it will likely create embarrassment for me, put extra demands on other people, result in poor decisions, in short it will likely make matters worse.

Get me out of here

The challenge of starting the trip so far away from home is that I can’t just quit after a difficult week or two and get a quick ride home. So, I have worked through a plan of how to exit the Sea to Sea tour ‘gracefully’ should it be necessary. I have settled on the likely exit points: Calgary, Regina, Winnipeg, Michigan, Owen Sound, Ottawa, Charlottetown. Each possible exit point comes with certain supports to minimize the potential challenges.

After developing the various exit points it gave me a sense of assurance. It took away the fear or anxiety of possibly creating a crisis should I find it too difficult to continue. With my fears reduced that is one less factor to weigh me down and in turn give me more energy to channel in a positive way – turning my pedals to keep me moving.

How do I know how I’m doing

In order to not end up exiting prematurely or at all, I need to know how I’m doing. Failing to properly gauge myself will result in being blindsided. With six days cycling and one day rest for each of the 10 weeks I need to be mindful of maintaining my reserves.

What to look for:

  • if I experience vertigo at the end of a ride or at rest stop I know I need to reduce my pace.
  • if I experience fatigue on waking, ride at a reduced pace that whole day. The thrill of biking once I get moving can falsely mask the fatigue and in turn show up in the form of greater fatigue the next morning.
  • if I am not sleeping well I need to reduce my pace. With too much physical demands it becomes harder to relax and sleep properly.
  • if I experience an increase in emotional loading, it will signal that I’m am not able to recover from the physical demands of the day or I need to curb some of the additional activities that could be causing the sensory overload.

Strategies for avoiding ‘trouble’

Even though I have done a four day ‘warm up’ bike trip, I need to be prepared for the unexpected. While I am aware of some of the activities that contribute to my sensory loading, there will be new activities which I need to be mindful of. For that reason I need to re-evaluate on a daily basis.

There are some simple strategies that I have agreed on that will hopefully stand me in good stead. I will schedule a nap as soon as I get into camp each day. From experience I know that after a physically strenuous day, I will likely be restless the first part of the night before sleeping better the second half. So it would make sense that a pre-sleep session should help make the whole night restful.

Riding in a large group can create a greater sense of camaraderie, but experience tells me that it will add significantly to my sensory loading putting me at risk of sensory overload. So, riding with no more than four cyclists would be advisable.

I’m going to have to see about the weekend celebrations as the tour is scheduled to hit a major centre each weekend to connect with supporters and donors. Participating in that might be a non-starter.

Despite the many contingencies that I have looked at, I find that cycling helps to dissipate much of the sensory loading that builds up as the day progresses. It seems like the physical, rhythmic action of cycling, along with the slower and simpler way of seeing the countryside provides relief and healing.

After analyzing all the different things that could go wrong, I actually found it to be a positive and a reassuring activity.

I have found some quotes about failure that are appropriate to different aspect of my upcoming bike trek:

“Failure isn’t fatal, but failure to change might be” – John Wooden

“Failing to plan is planning to fail.” – Winston Churchill

 

Advertisements

Detective in Training

20170422_155303
Never mind how I ended up here. How do I get out?

Living life with ABI comes with many surprises and unexpected turns. That makes the outcome of many days very different from what I expect or want. It would be very helpful if my days could be more predictable and therefore be able to count on following through on commitments that i have made or would like to make.

There is a Chinese curse that says, “May you live in interesting times.” Unpredictable, unexpected, unmanageable are all descriptions that defy being able to follow through, unless I make contingencies. The contingencies planned into my day can make the difference between a successful day and a bad day. The contingency planning takes on a variety of forms.

Driving

The contingencies around driving can get quite involved. First of all, I schedule a break every hour. In addition I try to arrive an hour ahead so I have time to recuperate from the drive (or ride) if I’m expected to participate in an event. Recently I did a favour for my son, offering to pick up a furniture order for him at IKEA. I contacted him mid day after completing my own errands that I was fine to follow up with my offer. When I was 20 minutes from IKEA I realized my sensory loading was ramping dangerously fast due to neurological fatigue (a couple of unexpected factors had inserted itself into my day). When I got to IKEA I realized that I would not be able to make the long drive home. I contacted my son and explained I was at my limit. And so our back up plan kicked in. I met up with him so that he could drive most of the trip home.

Restaurants

The contingency planning for going to a restaurant involves very different factors. Depending on the size of the group or the busyness of the restaurant I have to make a few decisions. If we are with a large group or the restaurant is quite full, I will walk in, check the menu, let someone know what I would like to order and then leave the restaurant. Once the order arrives I will come back. Once the hectic activity around ordering is done, I am able to participate. This is where texting can be very handy.

If the restaurant is quiet, I will do my own ordering. However, when the waiter or waitress is rattling off the specials of the day I zone out – that’s too much information to process, remembering the different items, comparing the benefits etc. I am better off reading the menu because I can process the information at my own pace.

Large venues

The contingency planning for attending events is to have an ‘escape plan’ in case I need to leave the venue. I look for seating so that I can exit as inconspicuously as possible. For some events I end up exiting and returning several times. Sometimes I find I need to leave a venue within 5 or ten minutes. I return when I have recuperated a bit or when the activity changes.

My shortest time in a venue before making an unplanned exit was about10 seconds. I had slipped in with a friend just before the event was ready to start. Luckily we were able to grab the two remaining seats by the exit. As we took our seats, all 800 people stood up as the music began. With 800 voices, live music on stage and wonderful amplification the effect hit me like a proverbial brick wall. By the time I realized what had happened and had the where with all to head for the exit, about 10 or so seconds had lapsed. It took me over 10 minutes to recover from the initial effects of the sensory overload.

Making sense of it

While I plan for contingencies, I also need to learn from situations in which I experience sensory overload. At times two seemingly similar situations end up creating two very different outcomes. While to the untrained eye the situations can look identical, it takes a different level of awareness and observation to recognize the differences.

I recently had two seemingly identical experiences. I walked into church well before the worship service was to begin. The pianist was rehearsing and all seemed fine. I later concluded that the music and the extra 15 minutes helped me make the transition into the worship space.

Fast forward a few weeks later. Remembering the earlier experience, I decided to enter the church sanctuary extra early again. Once again there was piano music playing and a soloist rehearsing before the worship service. Within two minutes I realized I needed to get out. The reverberations within an almost empty room from the live music overloaded my senses. Disappointing but an eye opener at the same time.

Making sense of situations when one is living with ABI often requires having the keen sense of Sherlock Holmes to properly debrief the day. Then combine that with the foresight of a prognosticator in order to successfully plan a day. Those two activities have become a necessary part of an ABI life to varying degrees.

Nothing happens without a reason

I always start with the understanding that there is an explanation for each time I experience my limitations. If I properly consider all factors then it should not take me by surprise. It’s not just being aware of the sensory loading caused by the activities that day, but also the amount of sensory loading from the previous day or two. Having a good night’s sleep doesn’t reset my sensory loading ‘meter’ back to zero. The other factor to consider is the significant events I’m anticipating in the next few days.

Each session with my occupational therapist is like ‘writing’ another chapter in solving my personal ABI detective case. More importantly, each session I have with my OT is another lesson on being trained as a detective.

C3PO

You are approaching your resource limit (orange light flashing)

Halt all non-essential activities

If one ignores the above warnings then things deteriorate further

You have exceeded your resource safety buffer (red light flashing)

Non-essential systems are shutting down

Halt all activity! Halt all activity! Halt all activity (audible warning)

Failure to comply will result in a lengthy shutdown of numerous systems

Be advised that full functionality may not be restored for up to 4 days.

With a computer there is always the option of doing a cold reboot or to carry the analogy further, run a virus scan, malware scan or optimize the drive. And if all else fails, re-install the operating system.

But I am not a robot and so I do not have such obvious early warning signals. I am not a robot and so a cold reboot is not possible. That’s why I need to be mindful of what I am doing and how my body is responding, physically, neurologically and emotionally at all times. My body has about a dozen warning signs but I need to learn to recognize them more readily. The more mindful I am, the better I will be able to function. The contingencies need to be part of my schedule so I can respond to the signals my body is giving me.

The main consideration for any activity that I do is the Cost Benefit. Every activity contributes to sensory loading and puts me at risk of sensory overload. Each time I need to decide what value I put on the potential benefits.