An open invitation to embrace Disability Pride (whether you’re disabled or not)

Having lived over 7 years with an acquired disability I am still learning how to view disabilities in other people.

The term Disability Pride focuses on the ability of each person. The focus is on each person being proud of their ability and how they are able to contribute.

It is easier to notice a person’s disability than to make note of their strengths and skills.

In order to be better informed I share a blog posting from down under.

Jasper Hoogendam… I share…

On Saturday April 9^th, I attended my first ever Disability Pride Fest, in Newtown NSW.

Wow! It was huge.  It’s taken me a while to process my thoughts about it.  As  Disability Pride month closes, it seems like a good time to pull some thoughts together from the Pride Fest and from Disability Pride Month, celebrated throughout July.

The value and achievements of disabled people were front and centre at the Disability Pride Festival. Non-disabled people were present, but on this day, they were the ones on the sidelines.

This was a day about people with… disability /disabled people. A huge

https://wp.me/p5z8q2-a3

Waking Up

The time I wake up

Late morning, mid morning

Early morning, unearthly morning

Is a measure of my day

.

I measure the previous day

By the level of restfulness

By the level of restlessness

With which I emerge the next day

.

Sleeping late I’ve been taught

The sign of a sluggard

An unmotivated ne’er do well

Oh to unlearn that

.

Sleeping late

When I’ve pushed too hard

When I’ve pushed my limit

Taking time for recovery

.

When I rise at five am

Welcoming the morning sun

Climbing to the horizon

I’m energized, refreshed

My reward for listening

Being in tune with my body

Being in the moment

Pacing my previous day

.

When I rise at five am

Assaulted by the rays of the sun

Rising early from restlessness

I falter by mid morning

.

At times I  succumb

Abandoning my vague plans

My unformed goals

Not able to keep pushing

.

Giving way to what wasn’t meant to be

Having failed to listen the day before

Having blindly pushing forward

Deaf to my needs

.

Other times I foolishly dig in

Resolved to not succumb

Tenacity or plain stubbornness

Continuing the cycle of restlessness

.

The next day

An early morning rising

Restless

Another day of struggle.

.

Take time to pause

Push aside the restlessness

Break the cycle

Regain the inner calm

.

How can I be a support for others

Unless I properly equip myself

Let my whole being recover

Able to share a renewed self

.

Jasper Hoogendam   (c) July 2022

Liturgy

the rhythm
the familiar
annoying repetition
some days a drudgery
at times craving change
getting up at 6:30
walking to the bathroom taking care of necessities
sauntering to the kitchen to put on the kettle
tea would be a wonderful start
add to that some maple syrup for a balanced sweetness
breakfast in the dining room
this morning its steel cut oats
topped with red currants from last summer’s picking
watching for the male cardinal a dash of red
maybe his mate will appear today
.
Isolation Liturgy
Awake at 7:30
Might as well get out of bed
But yesterday I slept till almost 8:00
And then two days ago I was wide awake at 5:13
Keep a regular schedule they say
Be intentional about you meal time
Make it an event,
Another beat in the rhythm of the day
Like a clock, tick tock
For what purpose?
No appointment
No place to meet at said time
The familiar rhythm of pre- isolation
Gone.
The liturgy of the familiar
Gone.
The purpose of the clock
Gone.
The clock
tick tock
tock tick
tic toc
tick tic
toc tick
toc tock
the rhythm
unpredictable
the tyranny of schedules
schedules a shadow
of another world
fading
out of reach
life
bump bump bump bump
the fading of social life
the social support
gradual decline so quick
the clock aggravates the waiting
nine minutes,
seventeen minutes
or was that twenty seven
it’s all the same
time measured by things done
time capturing the satisfaction
the abyss of waiting
how long
.
Renewed Liturgy
a new beat
gradually growing
faint and unfamiliar
welling from within
fed from without
moving with it
feel it grow
increasing over time
becoming familiar
welcoming
a rhythm of our own making
in time
not the rhythm of tyranny
choosing
the rhythm for life
welcoming change
evolving as needs change
the ebb and flow
each day a little different
the rhythm of tides
the movement of the moon
day follows night
summer heat follows spring renewal
in step with the rhythm
in sync with one’s heartbeat
constant yet changing
freed from the tyranny
finding one’s rhythm
supporting life
room for others
sharing the beat
in step
free yet in step
lead by the heart
feeding the heart
a heart for living
.
Jasper Hoogendam. (c) July 2022

Living With Dad

Toronto skyline from where I grew up

I have been living with Dad for almost two weeks. This is the longest time since I was a teen, about 50 years ago.

It’s commonly accepted that at some point in life the parent/child relationship changes. The parent is no longer the caregiver and becomes the carereceiver. This sometimes changes overnight

I stepped in because my dad had a setback and needed some help to get through the day. I don’t help him unless he asks for help. It’s important to not slip into an ableist mindset.

Just because a person suddenly needs a little help doesn’t mean they are suddenly incapable. There are specific areas where help is needed. The type of help needed is not obvious.

Dad is proudly independent and will push back if I offer to help. I don’t want him using precious energy to push back. I want him to know I respect his choices. His mantra is, “If you don’t use, you lose it.”

When something in his daily routine needs to be improved I wait with the discussion for a time when we’re sitting down and simply chatting. Not when he’s in the middle of doing a task.

If there needs to be a change in diet or he should consider using a better assistive device it is my job to give him the relevant information. That’s all.

If my father is not convinced after I’ve laid it out I will honour his choice. If at a later time he has a complaint related to what we’ve discussed I will review the information with him. In the end it still remains his choice.

The best diet or the best assistive device is one that he is comfortable with.

Transition

At this point the role of caregiver has not totally flipped. At this point he is mostly independent. It is his apartment. It is his car. He makes the grocery list and prepares his food to his liking. He tracks his own medication and appointments. He’s worked out shortcuts and developed his own efficiencies.

I am his assistant rather than his caregiver. I am pleased to be in that role and honour his choices and respect him for his resilience.

I can gauge how well he’s doing by the number of requests for help I get from him.

Ableism

It’s important to avoid ableist behavior. Don’t assume help is needed. Don’t insist on helping just because the person looks like they are having a hard time. They might well be having a hard time and using an inordinate amount of effort.

That’s why one needs to remember: If you don’t use it, you will lose it.

Through thoughtful observation and non judgemental questions it is not hard to recognize when help is needed.

Jasper Hoogendam. (c) July 2022

Extended Visit

Twelve days since I arrived

Observing Dad’s daily rhythm

As I merge into his world

Fitting into his time and space

.

As I move in sync with each day

Brief conversations popping up

Like a mid day shower

On a hot mid summer day

.

An observation shared

Insects flitting past his window

One flying close to the wood siding

Searching for holes in the wood

Instinct to avoid becoming prey

A visual worship experience

.

A thought shared

Raised under a parenting mantra

Children should be seen and not heard

Contrast to observing kid’s entitlement

Dad pondering a better middle ground

.

An instruction given

Dad, dictating a weekly grocery list

Over a three day period

Several nutrition discussions ensue

Balancing preferences, needs and frivolity .

.

Directions given

Offered to pick up critical supplies

Take highway 8 then 4th Avenue

Turn at the tower on the left

Dad, just name the store – app to the rescue

.

A memory recounted

Dad employed as general maintenance

Many a task without textbook solutions

Combining creativity with skill

Personal satisfaction and joy

.

A memory revived

I reminded Dad, his choice of a four day work week

At age 50 one day a week to do repairs

Voluneering fixing things for seniors

Helping those living on fixed income

.

Each conversation a light sprinkling

Revealing a few droplets of his character

The motivation welling from within

Dad’s desire to see others thrive

.

Not one to brag or boast

Thankful and feeling cared for

His lifetime employment, opportunities to serve

Dad’s moderate means willingly shared

.

Jasper Hoogendam  (c) July 2022

Oh Dear

Recalling a story shared by a friend

It was an early summer evening when my dog dragged in a bedraggled rabbit. This was just a day after a rainy spell..

On seeing the white fur with a few black spots it was unmistakably my neighbour’s pet rabbit.

When I looked over the fence into my neighbour’s yard my suspicion was  confirmed. The door of the rabbit hutch was ajar and the hutch was empty.

I just didn’t know how to tell my neighbour what my dog dragged home. I decided that my best option was to clean up the dead rabbit. I washed the fur till all traces of mud were gone. Then I brushed the fur till it almost looked its usual self.

I walked over to the rabbit hutch when I thought no one was around. I gently placed the rabbit in the hutch, carefully latched the door and got home without anyone seeing me.

Two days later as I was sitting in my backyard my neighbour walked up to the fence and started to talk to me. I felt a bit uneasy.

After sharing a few comments about the weather he commented about his rabbit. He said I wouldn’t believe what happened. Two days after I buried the rabbit in the ravine it mysteriously ended up back in the rabbit hutch. I am baffled.

Thanks A. L. for the story.

Fantasy is Real

A Crab in Pursuit

Sitting alone with Dad

A lazy summer mid day

Low humidity a day after the rain

A gentle south west breeze

.

Watching clouds floating by

Random shapes and forms

A cat morphing into a dog

A man reclining but briefly

.

What the mind sees

The eye confirms

We name different forms

Yet we both share the moment

.

Shaped by one’s imagination

Though elusive and fleeting

Yet sealing a memory

Both lasting and real

.

Jasper Hoogendam. (c) July 2022

The Future is in the Past

I’ve spent over a week in the area in which I was born and raised. I’ve been exploring a nearby hamlet and areas further afield.

The plaque pictured above tells an interesting story. It’s the story of the Hamilton, Grimsby & Beamsville Railroad Company, known as the HGB for obvious reasons.

Then

In October of 1887, some twenty years after Confederation, this railway line was opened. I presume it followed the historic Highway 8, built along the shoreline of prehistoric Lake Iroquios. (I lived along this ancient shoreline during my elementary school days.)

The railway line ran 37 km (58 miles in the then imperial measurement) taking one hour to get from Beamsville to the downtown of the nearest major city, Hamilton. Almost break neck speed in those days.

The railway line was powered by electricity.  It’s early days was before the first electric power development at Niagara Falls. (That didn’t happen till 1922.)

This line was not only used for passengers wanting to go shopping in the big city. It was also a great means for farmer to get their milk and produce to the markets in the thriving big city of Hamilton.

The train would make frequent stops along the 37 km line. At its peak the HGB rail served over one million passengers a year.

This clean and convenient means of moving goods and people came to an end in June 1931.

The HGB could not compete with the cars being produced by General Motors. General Motors is responsible for de-electrifying transportation in many North American cities.

Now

Now we are in a period where electricity of the past is seen as the future. Other electric technological initiatives from a century ago are now being resurrected and developed

What goes around comes around. I am hopeful as new initiatives are being implemented.

Necessity is the mother of invention.

Personal

The initiatives from a century ago has put me in an interesting position.

– I drive a car that’s powered by electricity

– I am able to produce my own electricity

– I am able to sell surplus electricity into the grid

For me that’s just a start.

How many of our present challenges can be solved by looking to the past? Then build on it.

.

Jasper Hoogendam. (c)

My Parents’ Dream

Military service completed

Wedding in December 1950

Honeymoon in Paris

Next available boat to Canada

.

S.S. Washington out of l’Havre

Christmas in the north Atlantic

Docked at Pier 21 in Halifax

Third class train to Jordan Station

Turned down by their sponsor

No housing for a married couple

A willing sponsor a week later

Housing and work a complete package

.

Lived in an abandoned hen house

No plumbing, no insulation

Central heating a Quebec stove

In the centre of the room

.

Gaps in the walls carefully patched

Extra blankets with the bedding

By morning water pitcher frozen over

Delaying the early morning coffee

.

Shade trees on the edge of the orchard

Summer heat slightly moderated

A princely water view location

Overlooking the Royal Henely Regatta

.

Working long days at his tender age

Pruning, growing and picking

Tender fruit; cherries, plums, peaches

Not a plum job but serving basic needs

.

Left the old country for lack of housing

Left behind the destruction of war

A youthful taste for adventure

And a future for their kids not yet born

.

A foreign country

A strange language

Sub sub standard housing

Minimal furniture

No minimum wage

.

A dreamer sees no poverty

A dreamer sees only opportunity

.

Jasper Hoogendam. (c) July 2022

Then and Now

My parents were new to the country

They were new to the language

People could talk about them while present

Maybe catching a word here and there

.

Seven decades later it’s deja vu

People will talk about my father

Informing the doctor or a nurse

Trying to catch a word here and there

.

No longer the language barrier

A quick reminder to turn up the aid

Then, motivation to learn the language

Now the annoying sound barrier

.

Jasper Hoogendam. (c) July 2022