Colonial Delirium

Colonialism: The subjugation of indigenous people and the exploitation of their land and resources

Delirium:  confused thinking and a lack of awareness of someone’s surroundings

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Indigenous voices for justice unheeded

By those who live in a constant

Self-induced state of colonial delirium

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The colonial delirium feel good

Has a comfortable fit

Making it difficult to shake

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The colonial delirium produces

An altered state of reality

Not seeing how one’s actions hurt others

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Colonial delirium desires full control

Making apologies is not a cure

Failing to take action on urgent matters *

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Jasper Hoogendam (c) April 2024

* Urgent matters

The prime minister coerced into offering an apology without committing to decisive action

The pope offering a conditional apology

Failing to investigate murdered and missing Indigenous women and girls

Failing to provide safe drinking water to First Nations communities

Underfunding education in Indigenous communities

Failing to address substandard housing in First Nations communities

Removal of young children from Indigenous households rather than giving funding support

Failing to remove the known remains of Indigenous women from a Winnipeg landfill site

Ignoring Indigenous self-detetmination by failing to consult with the Mississauga of the Credit in changing the boundaries of the Green Belt

Early Morning

Early morning

Maybe 4 am or 6

My saddest time of day

My reflective time

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A sadness that makes me feel human

A melancholy that pulls me

Into reflection

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The sun not yet risen

The darkness not yet lifted

Even before the birds signal a new day

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Reflecting on what could have been

Emotions blocked, hidden

Yet on closer observation

Emotions that filtered through

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Reflecting on what had been

A warm after glow

The glow that fades oh so slowly

Unlike the quick fade of laughter

Following a joke or prank

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As the darkness lightens

As the sun begins to colour the east

The sadness lifts

I’m ready to live a new day

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I don’t know what the day holds

Reflecting back

I’m wrapped in an inner peace

The past sharing a quiet wisdom

When I take the time to look

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The day holds no promises

Yet it unfolds as it was meant to be

I will take my lead

From what the past can teach me

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As the cold of night

As the isolation of darkness

Give way

I feel the embrace

Of being cared for

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Embraced by my family

Encouraged by members in my community

Prayed for by members who share my faith

Each day holds new hope

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It’s sill dark outside

Yet I hear the first chirp

I await a growing cacophony of birds

Greeting the dawn

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⁷ “But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
    or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
⁸ or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
    or let the fish in the sea inform you.

The book of Job 12 NIV

Jasper Hoogendam (c) April 2024

Nostalgia

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Thinking back to my younger self

The time of innocence

The vigor of youth

The time to dream

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To remember the good old times

A real blessing

To hold precious memories

Friends, events, milestones

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To remember the good old times

Shutting out the lapse of judgment

Actions with unforeseen consequences

Seeing the downside years later

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To remember the good old times

Ignoring the wisdom being shared

Choosing the excitement of new ideas

Exploring, questioning, challenging

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To remember the good old times

The blind spot of nostalgia

Longing to go back

To relive what has disappeared

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To remember the good old times

Blind to the injustices

That are played out today

Failing to embrace positive change

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To remember the good old times

To recall the hurts of the past

As a road map to correcting wrongs

The past is not what is imagined

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Jasper Hoogendam (c) March 2024

The Land Remembers

“The land remembers what we said and what we did,” – Kimmerer 2013

Hoodoo in Drumheller

The land carries memories

More lasting than the printed page

The land carries the scars

The evidence of our greed

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Blood spilled in war

As bodies are removed and buried

As white crosses and tomb stones fade

The land will remember

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Deep scars from mines

Eroded landscapes

Extracting without replacing

The land will remember

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Land cleared, seeded and harvested

Flora and fauna drastically altered

Pesticide and herbicide residue

The land will remember

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We abuse the land

The land no longer gifting us

With life-sustaining nourishment

The land will remember

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When we regret the mistreatment

When we stop extracting the life source

A healing opportunity awaits

The land will begin to heal

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When we regret our abuse of the land

We can help the healing

We can work to restore the land

As our heart begins to restore

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The land will heal itself

Reaching  into primordial memory

The life force returning

The land will once again bless us

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The land holds no grudge

The land created to gift us

To generously bless us

As the land heals our heart

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Jasper Hoogendam  (c) March 2024

Page 341 Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer 2013 Milkweed Editons

Living with Privilege

When I look around, I know I live with privilege

Yet what have I done to earn this social standing

Making me an easy prey to living with a sense of entitlement

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I enjoy a reliable source of food despite the rising cost of groceries

I go through my days without a nagging fear of biased treatment

The predictability of each day is a regular reminder that I live with privilege

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When the weather turns cold, I retreat to a comfortable family home

Should a storm knock out my power and leave me in the cold

I might posture patience, belying my sense of entitlement.

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I have worked hard building my career

I have been diligent in serving well

Have I not shown I deserve to live with privilege

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I have seen capable folk struggling to land a rewarding job

Pushed down because of their social status or ethnicity

Despite persevering through setbacks without a sense of entitlement

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How different is my place in the social dis-order

While others with a resolute character bred from hardship.

Faintly hide their disdain for those who live with privilege

Lacking respect for those who don’t even attempt to mask their entitlement

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Jasper Hoogendam (c) March 2024

Kitchen Floor

Oak strip flooring

It was high time to give the floor

In the heart of our home

Some loving attention

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The floor no longer doing justice

To having hearkened from

A mighty oak in the forest

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A deep cleaning no longer enough

Time to bring out the carpenter tools

Sand paper, scraper and vacuum

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The once perfect floor

No longer uniform in colour and tone

Bearing thirty years of scars and scratches

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Gouged and scratched boards

Water shrunken slats

Worn down from daily use

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Sun faded spots

Foot worn areas by the door

Chair wear spots around the table

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Like rings on a mature tree

The floor boards sharing memories

For those who read floor hieroglyphics

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Good memories in the rhythm of the day

Sad memories over a span of time

Hurts and joys along the way

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A bit of sanding and prep

Some fresh coats of finish

Extending the floor’s usefulness

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Not pretending to recreate a perfect floor

Being reminded and accepting

The bumps and successes of raising children

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A fond restoration of the floor

Capturing the varied memories

Of raising four children now grown up

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Jasper Hoogendam (c) February 2024

An Astute Observer

Great Horned Owl

Keeping a wary eye

From a secluded perch

The great horned owl

Has no horns

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With a piercing gaze

Scanning for predators

The bald eagle

Is not bald

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In how many ways

Have nature observers

Unintentionally

Mislead so many

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The Northern Oriole

Is not confined to Baltimore

The Sea Star

Is not a fish

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Take careful note and observe

Nature has us easily fooled

Withholding mysteries

Even from the astute observer

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That which we need to protect

We don’t need to fully understand

That which we dearly love

We will wholeheartedly preserve

Bald Eagle

Jasper Hoogendam (c) January 2024

More Than a New Day

Pileated Woodpecker feasting at an Australian Willow

Woke up this morning

Much too early

Then again who decides

What’s too early

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Each new day starts

On its own note

Each new day

Playing out in its unique way

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Why is New Year’s morning

Any different from others

Don’t we welcome life

One sunrise at a time

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Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

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This is a New Year’s morning

As this thought dawns on me

I know the day will be different

A unique day with a special edge

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This is New Year’s morning

Our society’s agreed on restart

Dictated by the calendar

For those who choose to comply

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A day to reflect on the past

Saying farewell to an assortment

Of events and experiences

Having learned and hopefully matured

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A day to anticipate the coming year

Seeing hope in the small things

Observing the soil and seeing growth

Nature’s life source choosing to blessing us

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Anticipate each new day

Observe the universe in the small changes

Behold the wonder by simply observing

Taking in the majestic and the awe

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This is New Year’s morning

Appropriately a time of dormancy

Silently readying itself for a new season

Promising renewed abundance

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Jasper Hoogendam (c) January 2024

Joy amid the Turmoil

It is the time of the year

As the weather turns colder

As the days get shorter

That people celebrate the Christ Mass

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The celebration of the Christ Mass

Stands out from the masses

As unique and life changing

Bringing a message of hope

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The celebration of christmas

A departure from the Mass

Causing doubts and questions

Amid a turmoil of expectations

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The caricature of festive celebration

Predicated by the approaching solstice

Bringing about a tumbling of activities

Creating excitement for many

Creating turmoil for others

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It is hard to participate in the caricature

Of the festive season

When your pocketbook is light

When your pockets are empty

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It is hard to participate in the caricature

Of the season’s celebration

When your inner turmoil

Has you wearing a Joyeau Noel mask

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It is hard to participate in the caricature

Of the solstice celebration

When you crave solitude

Over boisterous gatherings

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It is hard to participate in the caricature

Of the solstice celebration

When you are in the impoverished class

And receive a once in a year generosity

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It is hard to participate in the caricature

Of the solstice celebration

When you need to wait 365 days

For the next self-satisying offer of good will

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There is hope in the approach of December 25th

With those who celebrate

In the spirit of generosity and sharing

With people who live the Christ Mass

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When the Christ Mass is a way of life

The generosity extends beyond the 25th

When a lifestyle of sharing grows

Where relationships develop and grow

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Many long to simply experience

“All is calm. All is bright”

Like the impoverished shepherds

“… returned, glorifying and praising God…”

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Jasper Hoogendam (c) December 2023

Belonging

Museum of Anthropology, Vancouver

I know who I am

I hang out with my peers

Or at least I try to

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I look like my peers

Well almost like the rest

Yet they know I’m different

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I want to fit in

I’ve masked my real self

I play the role that works for me

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As a teen I learned coping strategies

Knowing peer expectations can be cruel

Hoping that adults would be wiser

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Alas, as I moved into adulthood

Personal radar tuned to detect subtle signals

Desiring to belong

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The subtlety can be as real as the overt

The subtlety can be more hurtful

The sting is far from being subtle

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Hiding my Indigenous identity

Raised outside my culture

And yet too obvious to fit in

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Denying my identity carried a cost

Building a prison for my real self

Gradually the walls closing in on me

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Getting used to the prison

Not aware of a way out

And slowly I died inside

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One day I heard a rhythm

A sound that awakened my soul

The drum beat of my people

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I had not been raised with that rhythm

Yet the drum beat stirred my soul

It wakened what was in my DNA

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It was an amazing homecoming

I was connecting with my culture

I was meeting my family

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I got my first glimpse of being free

My prison doors were opening

Tears of joy began to flow

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The joy of an awakening self

To shed the pretending

To explore my ethnicity

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My soul was being revived

My Indigenous identity recognized

Validating who I really am

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I was released

My biggest step

A necessary step

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Will my peers see me

Will they learn to accept the real me

Will they see I have changed

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Will my peers begin to change

Will they have room for me

Do they welcome my need to belong

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* Dedicated to a friend from the Wet’suwet’en nation

Listen to her story: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/do-justice/episodes/Redefining-Belonging-Marlenes-Tenacious-Story-e2bdeu1

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Jasper Hoogendam (c) December 2023